Dante Had It All Wrong

Yesterday, we were planning on going to Garvan Woodland Gardens and then out to eat. We had the entire trip planned out (a rare, rare thing for this family). We were going to arrive at the Gardens at 5:00, wrap up at 6:00, and be at dinner by 6:30.

As most of my stories go, you probably know that didn't happen.

I had only heard great things about the holiday lights display. I was very excited to go! After having now gone, I wonder what on God's green earth possesses people to return. The lights, yes, were very beautiful. But never, never, never in my entire Arkansan life have I seen that many people at something. The traffic (the line stretched 1.1 miles to get.to. the.entrance.) brought to mind images of Hades and the River Cocytus. Seriously. If Inferno were to be re-written in the 21st century, I can tell you exactly what the lowest circle of Hell would be (ironically, there would still be ice involved).

But the awful traffic aside, the lights were pretty. We froze our batooties off, but we did manage to have a good time. The toddler really enjoyed it! He got to get on the "choo-choo train!!!" and he kept saying "touch it" every time we would pass a display of lights. We had to stop a lot so he could touch the lights. :)

Oh yes, I whipped out the marshmallow North Face. It was freeeezing!

My guys on the choo-choo train!

The toddler got to ring the bell. He was in Heaven!

I love, love, love, love these guys. Really. A whole, whole, whole lot.

After we left the Gardens our car started to move at more than 2 mph, we immediately headed to a gas station. Why? Oh, because this momma forgot to pack a drink for my little one! (I know, Mom of the Year award for me.) So yes, while we were stuck in traffic (checking the GPS to see if we could take the Envoy off-roading into the pitch-black woods....I'm not kidding), the little one was screaming, "JUICE! JUICE! MILK! LAHTER (water)! JUICE! MILK! MILK! MILK!" I rummaged around the car and found some graham crackers in a Ziploc baggie from who-knows-when. Thank goodness for the person who created graham crackers. They were a total life saver. When we got to the gas station, we ran inside and bought some Cheezits for the little guy. Why we didn't think to get something for him to drink, I don't know, because...

Yes, he screamed for something to drink the.entire.way.to.Cozymel's (an hour away). To the good people of that fine restaurant: I am sorry. I am sorry for pushing past people waiting in line to request a kid's milk from the hostess. I am sorry for the fact that my son then spilled that milk everywhere (although, to be fair, the majority was all over my Coach bag, in my hair, and all over my clothes). I am sorry for the enormous mess that we left at our table. I am sorry for the fact that when we got there it was packed with people, and about halfway through our dinner we looked around to see that we were some of the only people in the entire restaurant. I am sorry that when we left, my husband and I both bearclawed the mint basket. But I am not sorry for the very big, very well-deserved tip that we left and the very big, very well-deserved margarita that I drank.

When we were driving home from Cozymel's, all three of us started bursting out laughing at the same time--swearing that Cozymel's was the greatest restaurant in the world and that we would never return for the lights display at the Gardens. "Why do we keep planning these awful trips?" I asked my husband. "I mean, we have the best of intentions. We go off on these adventures that we really do try to plan, but why oh why do we keep subjecting ourselves to this punishment?!"

My husband laughed at me, sitting there covered in milk, and said, "Because we do. And we probably still will." He paused for a moment, "And I love it."