One Year

I'm good with dates. I remember the most random dates that you'd never think in a million years that a person would remember.

July 14, 2013. Car, packed. Children, in the car. Husband, waiting in Virginia. Fourteen hours of a road trip with a six month old whom I was nursing, my momma who was helping me be strong, and a three year old. At first, I was excited. I hadn't seen my husband in six weeks! I was ready to close the Little Rock/medical school chapter and open the Roanoke/residency chapter. I was ready. And then, we entered Virginia. My heart started racing, my hands started sweating, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. What was I thinking? I've never even seen this place, and now we have to live here for five years!

I will forever and always look back on July 14, 2014-September 13, 2014 as two of the hardest months of my life. If you know me at all, though, I admitted that to no one other than my momma. I knew I needed to just get through those months. I needed the boys' MDO/preschool to start, I needed to find a house, I needed to feel settled and have a sense of routine. Desperately.

And in September, peace came. Thank God, peace came.

I started unpacking boxes, we found a church, I was learning the names and faces of the other doctors who worked with my husband, I enjoyed the weather, I had a few friends' numbers in my cell. I was starting to balance working from home.

Peace.

I can't describe the past year with a better word.

Let me back-track and tell you something: It frustrated the devil out of my husband that I wouldn't research all of the places he was interviewing for residency positions. I kept coming back to the same thing, that I knew with a concrete, God-given certainty: God's plan would prevail. God would put us exactly where we needed to be.

I never doubted that for a moment, friends.

There is something freeing in living somewhere I'm not from. We've loved trying new restaurants, meeting new people, and being pushed--hell, shoved--out of our comfort zone.

God has given me a joy here in Roanoke, and He has taught me what I'm capable of when I rely on Him. I read on Facebook the other day someone had written that they had "my hardest mom day yet!" It involved a sick kid--long story short, her mom came over. WOW. That sounds really hard.

. . . because my husband works six days a week, 80 hours a week, and I've had to deal with two puking kids and myself puking and a husband who can't be home until 8:00 PM. And my mom lives a thousand miles away.

And while I loved being in Little Rock and having my family close by, I have a new strength I never would have had.

And what do I think about residency?

It's too easy to complain. It's too easy to bemoan the fact that "you don't understand what it's like!" It's too easy to go on and on about how no one understands the FIFTEEN year road we're traveling.

Nope. Not. Gunna. Do. It.

I think the first year of residency has made my marriage stronger. It's made me stronger. I've learned new skills, like mowing the lawn and weed whacking and charging the battery in the Lightning McQueen scooter. I've learned that my God is at my side every moment of every day. I've learned that there's something to be said for joining a new Bible study, walking into something where you know not one soul, getting out of the house, putting a smile on your face, and saying, "I WILL have a fun day!" I will rejoice in the day--not always, but I'll try to every day.

I genuinely love our life here. It was like God and I climbed up into the attic and took out all the old, dusty boxes. We went through them together. We tossed out the junk. We got rid of the cobwebs. And, that word again: peace. I have it here. I've taken up running, and lost 23 pounds. I've learned that my happiness doesn't depend on people, and I don't need to ask so-and-so where she's putting her kids in soccer or baseball to make up my own damn mind about it. I've learned that I actually love having a career. I now work full time from home for the organization I worked for when I lived in Little Rock, and I've taken on new, more challenging responsibilities and roles. I've learned that at 7:00 when both of my children are in bed (I'm dead serious), I can work, watch t.v., hang out with my husband, and not worry about one thousand little things. I've learned that neighbors can be nice, and can genuinely care about one another. I've learned that no one needs to understand the unique residency life I lead, because God understands. And that's so totally 100% perfect with me. I've learned that the most important thing I do all day is give my attention and my love and my energy to my sons. To talk to them about Jesus. To talk to them about the things of life that get lost in the hectic pace I lived in Arkansas. I've learned that where my husband and my children are, THAT is home.

Can I believe it's been a year?

Yes, I can. I've felt every day of it.

We're blessed here, and we're blooming. Trust God in whatever it is you're struggling with today. His plans are not our plans--His ways are not our ways. But, they're good. They're soul-stretching. They're best.